Can't hold it back anymore..
Turn away and slam the door..
I don't care what they're going to say..
Let the storm rage on..
The cold never bothered me anyway!
- Let it Go (Frozen)

Why do we all find these lines relatable? Aren't there days when you wish to just slam the door loud on to everyone else?  Then, there are days, when we climb through it all, we push our extremes and we succeed. But at times, the struggle doesn't seem to be ending. You try out everything you can to work things out, but life doesn't seem to be moving anywhere.

I’m here to share a powerful 4-step tool which is a Self-coaching model that I’ve devised. This is a technique of self-care and greater nurturing towards your own self. By using my self-coaching techniques tool, you will lead your life to see yourself as you envision.

Self coaching will put you on the path that you chose for yourself with awareness and without any hesitation or self-doubt. 

Emotions play a significant role in Self-development, and in this self-coaching model, we utilize them optimally and work on them as an important tool in the process.

What Is Self Coaching?

It's a beautiful self-care process, where you spend quality time with your 'Self'. 

You focus on increasing your own productivity, enhancing creativity, understanding thyself much better, and outlining your goals and purpose in life.
It is built on the framework that no one knows you better than yourself. So, you become your own counselor or coach. 

I believe that self-coaching techniques are one of the most effective methods that include easily accessible toolboxes for self-development.

The Power of Self-Coaching: Do You Need It?

When we seek a personal growth coach, we often follow the process outlined by the Coach as our belief lies in the methods used by him/her. With this self-coaching model, the person you rely on is...YOU!  You get the opportunity to take complete charge of yourself and very passionately mould this Coachee (You) the way you desire or envision yourself. 

Why do I highlight the self-coaching model? Well, seeking professional help may sometimes be difficult for many due to the cost factors. For others, accessibility may be an issue. When you try the self-coaching techniques, the process helps you to activate your inner coach. This inner coach is your self help coach who builds greater  awareness and reflective space within.

I emphasize on Journaling as it is a fantastic way of self-dialogue, inquiry and reaffirmation.

When Should You Use The Self Coaching Model?

You will be prompted internally! Because, it all begins within!  Your body often gives you signals, for e.g., the heart beat increases due to certain repetitive instances which are stressful, your mouth feels dry, or you suddenly start feeling angry, sad, agitated, etc. Pay attention, feel those sensations, try to understand the messages your body is trying to pass on to you. It's your own body, you are experiencing your own emotions! 

Who will notice these changes better than you?

If you do not have access to a self-development coach, I highly recommend you use the powerful self-coaching model to begin your journey of self-transformation! 

Self-Coaching Model Benefits:

1. It’s free! - You are in the company of the most amazing person on the earth, i.e., You! You can practice self-coaching techniques whenever, wherever, and as many times you wish.

2. Self-Awareness - You start understanding yourself better. By observing repetitive thoughts (particularly those that serve no purpose), you learn to calm the internal noise. You begin to coach yourself towards calm.

3. Developing a non-judgmental attitude - This is not just towards others, but it raises awareness towards self-criticism as well. In every situation where you may normally tear the self-down, you start looking inwards. You stand by yourself and see what's in it that you need to change to develop an optimistic approach towards an otherwise negative situation. 

4. Choosing conscious responses – One of the benefits of self-coaching techniques is that you slowly migrate from the auto-response mode (activated due to being on an auto-pilot mode) to the mindful mode. You are aware, observant, and learn to respond well to situations. You move your behavior from reacting to situations to choose your response with complete awareness. 

5. Self-acceptance - You begin by accepting your present Self wholeheartedly. You have a deeper understanding of your conscious self in an improved manner.

Sometimes, journaling about the different experiences and incidents in life on-the-go, helps in understanding yourself better.

What Are The Steps Of The Self Coaching Model?

Although the self-coaching techniques are all about being with yourself mindfully and to be your best version; there’s a technique that needs to be followed for appropriate results. Remember, the more you practice using the self-coaching strategies, the better the results will be! This new improved version of yourself will be a part of the self-coaching process! 

I have devised a simple and efficient four-step Self-Coaching model. I have named it as the  ‘SICR’. What’s my self-coaching model about? Let’s find out!

Coach Ekktaa’s 4-step Self Coaching Model:

1. Self-Enquiry: 
Also referred to as self-inquiry, it is defined as giving constant attention to your real self or the inner awareness. When you coach yourself, you speak to Yourself just the way you would do with others. You begin a conversation with yourself with these self-coaching questions.  

Ask yourself,

“How are you feeling?”

“Did you sleep well?” 

“If not, was there anything bothering you, and what could it be?” 

During this self-coaching journey, you can actually plan a coffee-date with yourself.  Remember to let the conversation flow. Over a period of time, this exercise will keep you informed about your weaknesses and strengths when you dive deeper into issues that bother you.

Anyone and everyone can start self-coaching at any given point of time.

You can begin this self-enquiry inside a closed room or in a space where you can pay complete attention to your thoughts without disturbance. Next, check-in with yourSelf. Focus on the area of your life e.g. personal, professional, social, relationships, etc. that you wish to inquire and seek clarity on your position.

Be aware of your real state of mind, and capture the feelings. Tap into your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviors.

Everyone’s experience depends upon their personal space and life. Some may experience fear, sadness, or worry. Remember, it’s a part of the self-coaching process. 

Self-coaching Questions:

1. How are my emotions (e.g. fear) impacting me today?
2. Where is it impacting me? Personally? Professionally? Socially? Or relationship-wise?
3. How is it impacting my thinking process?
4. Is there any pattern of situations that lead to similar emotions or feelings?
5. What are my own contributions towards making me experience a particular emotion?
6. What is the outcome of it?

Note: You may choose all or any of the above self-coaching questions to enter into your reflective space.

2. Identify Triggers: Internal and External

 A trigger is a thought or a situation that leads to certain behavior choices. Triggers can be positive or negative. But here we will consider triggers that disturb us, that are reminders of your past trauma. So, they can be a person, situation, an object, a dialogue, a memory, pain, or anything that reminds oneself of the traumatic phase in their life.

A person experiences two types of triggers - External and Internal.

Self-coaching techniques raise awareness of these internal & external triggers.

External Triggers are when our behavior or emotions are influenced by situations happening around us. The situations may or may not be related to us directly, but they impact us tremendously causing a reaction that leads to stress, sadness, anxiety, worry or more.

For e.g., whenever we hear of death cases due to COVID-19, we tend to worry, or experience fear with worry about such a similar incident that may occur with our family, or in our area.

Internal Triggers – When you’re processing information from the external environment, it may activate your internal demons, your shadows, or your concepts of life - self and world. These are internal triggers.

We’ll return to the COVID-19 situation. For e.g., as soon as the Lockdown is declared, people get alarmed that there can be a shortage of essentials. People get triggered Internally to buy and store excessively and unnecessarily (panic buying).

Self-coaching questions: 

1. What situations are triggering me?
2. Which personality traits in people trigger me the most?
3. Do I get impacted with specific expressions of people like their facial expressions, certain gestures, their tone of voice or usage of a certain verbiage?
4. Do I see a pattern or similarity in the triggers that I experience?
5. Does a particular situation trigger me often? Does it remind me of something unpleasant?
6. Does a new environment affect me? Am I comfortable in the current environment?

Once you sit down and ask yourself in this manner, you will come across a list of triggers that have impacted you, your life, thinking, and behavior. Make sure you note them down. This will help you face your deepest fears.

Capturing them down one-by-one, is a fantastic way to reflect on your state of mind i.e., your feelings, emotions, thoughts, behavior.

3. Cognizance

Depending on your emotional capacity, you explore the past association of your actions, behavior, experiences; and account the present on the basis of the situation you are in.  This step is about experiencing all the emotions, thoughts, feelings and channelizing them into what you want to achieve in the ‘here and now’. 

Be aware of your state of mind and begin thinking about what it is that you need to do now. This is the stage where you think of how you can realign your life with all the possible resources you are equipped with. One needs to be mindful that dwelling too much about the past may not help one to move forward. You need to have a balanced approach.

Cognizance is about Mindfulness. In self-coaching, you attain cognizance, when your alertness level is at the peak, and you are deliberately moving towards accounting your thoughts, channelizing your energy constructively, and engaging yourself proactively towards analyzing reflections in the present moment. 

4. Resolution

This self-coaching technique is about resolution. Once you have aligned your focus, you start taking confident steps in that direction. You visualize and design a road map for achieving your Life Goals. You are all set for a new journey that begins within You, yourself, and ends up with an incredible version of you who holds Unlimited Creative Potential. You are this person who displays all the capabilities to reach your goals.

The real action towards accomplishing your Life Goals happens here.

This phase comprises of three aspects: 

Power statement -

It’s a positive statement that reminds you of your purpose in life. It could be an affirmation or a go-to statement for anything you would want to accomplish. So here, you Affirm yourself with a positive and simple statement.

E.g.: “I am open to explore various choices in life within my resourceful capacity.”

“My Confidence in my Abilities Continues to Grow.”

Action & Accountability:

Only having a Power Statement will not move the cheese for you. You will have to take some actions in order to reach there.

Question yourself:
“How accountable will I be towards myself in order to align myself with the power statement? 

E.g.: Think of some creative ideas to push yourself to action, such as buying running shoes as a motivation to wake up for jogging daily. You can even practice a self-coaching technique that includes Mirror Talk. In this technique, you practice speaking in front of the mirror to improve self-confidence. 

Reinforcement:

You need to ensure that you don't fall back in the same negative space again.  Remember to stay aware and alert, in case you happen to get into similar situations in future. Your awareness will prevent you from repeating the same results. Always do a timely evaluation and keep the necessary resources intact that may keep you going.

E.g.: Setting reminders, referring to your own tips from journaling, mantra/ formulae pinned on the board or wall, upgrading your knowledge bank, etc.

Self-Coaching Tools:

• A) Journaling

I emphasize on Journaling as it is a fantastic way of self-dialogue, inquiry and reaffirmation. Here, you share and understand things with someone who knows you the best, and you can do it all without any kind of filters!

When you write down your feelings, you tend to ponder over those thoughts, your actions, responses; and over time, how all of these impacted in building up the personality you see today. You look at yourself in a much organized and reflective manner.  It also works as your permanent goals’ reminder and navigator.

• B) NLP technique of anchoring or visualization for self-coaching

Neuro-linguistic conditioning can be done to program your thinking and behavior in a certain manner, or to attain a specific outcome. Anchoring helps condition your brain for a favorable emotional frame of thinking; while visualization technique makes you paint the most desirable image of yourself, while subtly programming your brain to achieve it.

Who Can Practice Self Coaching Techniques?

Anyone and everyone can start self-coaching at any given point of time. Coaches, writers, doctors, teachers, engineers, managers, students, scientists, artists, musicians, and more can practice Self Coaching tools. This method can also be used as a form of self-supervision when a coach is working with a client.

In this case, it's important that you have basic knowledge on how emotions work or a basic knowledge in the field of psychology. Prior knowledge of coaching, psychology, NLP techniques and mindfulness are highly recommended, so that you too can say with an attitude, that the cold never bothered me anyway!

In case you are already seeking help from a counsellor or a coach, then self-coaching can be a tool that can complement the process. However, discussing the same with your coach or counselor is necessary.

Note: If you are going through a difficult phase in life, you feel your personal life or thoughts are not supporting you to make the right decisions, then please work with a professional counselor. 

Any signs of anxiety bouts, anger bursts or binging, prolonged periods of crying or sadness are all indicators that you need to seek professional help. 

I hope you use this self-coaching tool to connect deeper with yourself. You can always write to me at [email protected] to share how the self-coaching techniques improved your life!

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